If my mind was an abstract thing, “non-existent”, a result of my cells interacting, then why do I know that my mind is literally shit?
I met this guy once. Or twice. I don’t remember when, but I think I already saw him before. I think he was there in the subway with me. He might have been in Mcdonald’s while I ordered the cheeseburger. He was in my class back in high school. He was art.
That was his name. Art.
I never really believed in “love at first sight”, but I was sure that wherever I looked, I would see him there. He was love. I was in love. I loved him, the essence of who he was; art. Despite this, our relationship was that of a stalker and the stalkee. I was the stalker.
I did my best to get art to love me. However, he never really did. Slowly, I moved up the ranks. I went from stranger, to acquaintances, to friends, to good friends. Currently, I’m stuck, and I don’t know how to get him to like me. His relationship with others seem to be more romantic, erotic. Art is a sexual being, doing “it” with whoever he pleases. Squirting paint, cum- all over their minds. I still try my best to get a taste of his cum, but I know that I-compared to others-am less loved by him. One day, I’ll suck it all in; but now, I’ll just sleep through this torture. The torture of being less loved for this polygamy of art hurts. Though he keeps my soul sane.
One day he’ll love me as how he loves others. One day, I’ll find my self-worth. He’ll caress my hands as we sit on the subway train. He’ll feel my lips as I eat at Mcdonald’s. He’ll teach me love and art in class. Art will love me, but now, he loves other people. No one knows, but I’m terrified that maybe I won’t be good enough for him. My relationship with art might not—might never be as good as his relationship with others.
I am so scared. For my art.
I’ve been having real weird scary dreams these past few days that led me to barely having any sleep. Real weird.
My first dream, I think, was that the APO lolas that I was supposed to visit last Friday were in my room. They were just talking to me, and they barely made any sense. It’s not like the normal not making sense, it’s the really weird kind of not making sense. Their sentences were just very random. Imagine someone saying: “I like dancing. Because computers are technology”. Seriously very weird.
My second dream, was that I apparently smoked weed. This one’s the “What the actual fuck” moment. In this dream, I was at my other house and then boom. There were some high shit that went on, but I just kept on going
Third dream was kind of less weird. I just kept on repeating the word “Technology” and benzodiazepines was a code word for weed. I built a dinosaur head using the benzodiazepines.
My word of the week. Ever since moving into this house of mine, I thought that I could finally have some time off from the hectic blend of college and city life.
I did. However, I didn’t know that I would end up feeling this lonely. Every second ends up parading itself around my mind. Forced to watch it pass by.
I thank God for movies. They help me speed up this whole waiting game.
Being anon online won’t get you my number. Sorry.
Go lang. How do you know my number? :O
Go ahead. :) Just message me anywhere, haha.
Ohh, you’re the non-chinese guy then. :) Which committee ka nung orsem? Haha
WHICH ONE? D: Hahaha, I plan to drop some of my orgs, haha so yeah. I kind of have a clue, but I’m still not sure. :(
I think I know who this is, but then I’m still not sure. Haha, someone said that he wasn’t chinese, and someone said he was from myplace, but I don’t think you’re them so…. I’m confused. Haha
I kind of made this last Saturday I think. I read a children’s book called “Goose Goes Shopping” a few days before Saturday. Pretty amazing shit right there.
I realized I wanted to make my own children’s book too.
Haha, thanks! I’m really flattered. Honestly though, wala naman akong great wall. Doesn’t matter if you’re not Chinese (I’ve seen Chinese guys all throughout highschool, medyo sawa na ako haha), but sabi nga nila “yung isa sa reasons kung bakit hindi ka crush ng crush mo is: hindi ka niya kilala”. Say hi lang :)
Hahaha, cool. I don’t know you though.
I joined 15 orgs on my 3rd year in ADMU:
- ACIL (I might drop this one)
- WriterSkill (SpecProj Deputy member)
- Google Student Group
I hope the Lord blesses me with a good org life, sleep, and good acads. Amen.
No matter how far she may be, no matter how much my parents refuse, I’d still do anything to get a tattoo from her.
"I will travel across the lands, searching far and wide" -"Pokemon Theme Song", 1998